Facebook Time with Snood - Where Snood has been and what is the latest?

[Snood]

Well first off i will upfront apologize for the title and subject matter of this thread because I do know that some people frown on this site being anything other than surround talk.......oh well. Snood has made many friends on QQ and do want them to know that I am still around and why I have not been on as often.

A few of ya know that I had been caregiving for my Mom and working a full time job since 2012 she lives with me, about 3 years ago I hit my minimum retirement age of 55 and things were getting worse at home for mom. She had fallen 3 times while I was at work, having found her twice on the floor when I got home and once she used her 911 device around her neck and Emergency climbed somehow through a small window to get to her. It was either retire or put her in assisted living and I was not about to do that.

She is 83 now.

She had a stroke like 5 years ago and broke her femur just trying to sit down about 4 years ago.

Dumb Snood thought, well I will have more time to listen to tunes and watch movies and play video games while she is asleep or set in her chair..........um no!

I have still yet to put together my surround system with the Elacs I bought 4 years ago and the Oppos and other components are untouched in boxes. I am able to game perhaps an hour or 2 on about 2 Fridays a month - I am able to perhaps watch a movie maybe once or twice a month late after Mom goes to bed if all goes well.

I became the cook, clothes cleaner, driver and most everything else soon after retiring. She could still do some things now and again like make her coffee, dry her clothes sometimes and empty the dishwasher somewhat......stuff to keep her busy. I let her sort her own clothes and put them in her dresser. Busy work to keep her active a little.

Things of course became slowly worse. for example, needing to help her get into the shower to now having to shower her back and backside and yeah that too.....now have a sliding shower chair that cost 300 bux which made it much easier.

But yeah stuff like that........

So about a couple months ago things took a nosedive for her - She started having hallucinations of people in her room and imaginary animals that she was feeding. I started finding old food under the bed. Night visits from late 20s grandchildren that live in other states. First thought was whaaaaaaa and it freaked me out. Second thought was maybe it is a Urinary Tract Infection......worse case urggggh Dementia. Her doctor was out of the country and got another app with another doc that was at the same establishment........turned into a circus.

There were a couple other freaky hallucinations she was having.....

Well after much stress I was able to get her urine sample out to another lab to get properly tested. After more keystone cops from this physician group..............I was there getting mom her schedule blood test for the actual doctor visit the following week. A nurse stopped us on the way out and said are you MommaSnood......was like um yeah whaaa now......we wanna go over her urine tests...........I say well i figure they are negative since you guys did not contact us..........she say oh ummmm they came up positive for E Coli..........Snood lost it. So she say we need to have her back 5 days in a row for antibiotic jab in the butt - nope pills...........So 5 days in row the dr visit 2 days later then urine sample i drove out again 3 days later.................new test comes back negative.

Yay right?? Nope

In the meantime she had stopped pooping for 10 days...............so onto stool softeners and Miralax, nope they did not help but made her even more incontinent and diapers more messy.............so onto lacutose...nada. Doc says Ok Snood give her an Enema, I am like ummm you're kidding right? Nah he wasn't and I did. It worked but was insanely messy and Snood was just spent. I am now wiping her behind with wet wipes in the morning and at night before bed and of course in the shower. So Enema worked and she started pooping again yaaaaaaay - right?? Nope - Hallucinations were from UTI right?? KInda Maybe Sorta and then nope............her hallucinations stopped while on the antibiotics and for a week or so after. Urine stopped smelling like it had for years.

Fast forward to 3 days ago. She fell trying to lift some stuff she shouldn't have. Luckily I was changing some doorknobs in the back bedrooms and heard her calling my name. My first thought was umm what now - She had not fallen for like10 months. Thought she had broke her arm the way she was laying. 180 pounds of Dead Weight, I had to lift.....not fun.

She was seemingly OK - couple sore spots - no bruising need some band aids for a small cut - she is on blood thinners. So I tell her you shouldn't be lifting or moving anything that heavy, you need to call me if you need something moved or lifted. OK.......nope - next day I notice she not in chair and I go into see where she is.......she had take the 2 heavy things - rubbermaid storage things and spilled the contents all on the ground. I am like I am like Mom what are you doing I asked not to do that unless you asked for me. Well.......a blind woman came in and asked her to search for something in them and she was trying to help her..............I also found more recent food for the imaginary animals. Another hallucination this morning too.

Since her stroke 5 years back her short term memory was pretty much shot...long term fine. Last 3 days seems she is having just a bit more probs searching for the right word/s

Called nurse Friday, gonna call for appointment Monday........she just got cleared of a uti about 1.5 to 2 weeks ago so dunno if it could be UTI again. I am just spent, worried all the time and sad...........sad because Snood not wanna lose the Mom I know. I do find myself crying a lot. I have bought a video baby, elderly monitor and have it in her bedroom. I figured it would give me just a smidge of peace of mind. I am not so sure......it is freaky to check in on it and see here not in her chair and over near the window where the blind lady had her digging for stuff or to see her in bed at 4 or 5 am looking around the room in night vision mode. Freaky stuff - I dunno.

Oh and she stopped pooping again about 3 or 4 days ago......

So yeah everybody that is why I have not been around as often. I still pop in and try to catch up here and there or answer Personal Messages sent to me, but nothing like I used to or would like to. I still order the latest and greatest releases and read some reviews, but they mainly sit untouched and unopen dating back to Beatles White Album and more at least. Yep you heard it right......I was able to peruse the Abbey Road a bit, but not in full. There are many more piled up.

I recently canceled my Let It Be Box and the LP Box thinking why? Plus, maybe they will go on sale.....I have never ever done that.

I have the Kiss Box coming........I adore early KISS (do not judge me lol) but thinking twice about that too.

I did get the Tull Benefit and have the REM on order and the Bruce Live, but those are 50 and below.

So I dunno.......I love Surround I love QQ - just so much more going on and I am sorry I am not able to be here as much as I used to be for you all. Love you all

That is where I have been and what I have been doing.

Deep Sigh

 

[mrcond]

Snood, you are a good man. A hero even. Hang in there.

 

[4-earredwonder]

A Heartbreaking story, Snood but Kudos to you and your stamina for being such an 'ardent caregiver.'

I hear you about Nursing homes and/or assisted care facilities. Some are top notch but unfortunately, a lot are not. And for the elderly, it sometimes spells the end of the line for them .... extracting them from their comfortable/familiar surroundings to that strange netherworld is a jolt!

My own mom was never sick a day in her life but after she suffered an aortic aneurysm and was patched up the circulation to her lower extremeties shut down necessitating the removal of both her legs compounded by a hernia the size of a basketball and to top it off dyalysis! She spent her last days in a nursing home and then a local hospital where the hardest decision I ever made was to give her permission to LET GO.....which she did! She was 83 and had nowhere else to go!

Whoever calls growing old THE GOLDEN YEARS must be referring to an alternate universe........I've always said the running, jumping and skipping years are short lived and unless you've absolutely lived by the Golden Rule [NO tabacco, drugs, alcohol, unhealthy foods] our time on this beautiful planet is numbered!

But think back to not so long ago when even a simple case of pneumonia meant sudden death. Yes, we've come a long way but in that grand scheme of things, our bodies do get tired, our aches and pains more pronounced, the mind wanders and our zest for life diminished!

But steadfastly holding on to that POSITIVE ENERGY spirit is vitally important and Brother Snood, it is that force which has somehow enlightened you to do the positive work YOU ARE DOING!

A lot of parents could only WISH for a caregiver as GIVING as YOU!

 

[GOS]

Yeah, Snood, wow. You are one hell of a son.

 

[humprof]

Well first off i will upfront apologize for the title and subject matter of this thread because I do know that some people frown on this site being anything other than surround talk.......oh well. Snood has made many friends on QQ and do want them to know that I am still around and why I have not been on as often.

A few of ya know that I had been caregiving for my Mom and working a full time job since 2012 she lives with me, about 3 years ago I hit my minimum retirement age of 55 and things were getting worse at home for mom. She had fallen 3 times while I was at work, having found her twice on the floor when I got home and once she used her 911 device around her neck and Emergency climbed somehow through a small window to get to her. It was either retire or put her in assisted living and I was not about to do that.

She is 83 now.

She had a stroke like 5 years ago and broke her femur just trying to sit down about 4 years ago.

Dumb Snood thought, well I will have more time to listen to tunes and watch movies and play video games while she is asleep or set in her chair..........um no!

I have still yet to put together my surround system with the Elacs I bought 4 years ago and the Oppos and other components are untouched in boxes. I am able to game perhaps an hour or 2 on about 2 Fridays a month - I am able to perhaps watch a movie maybe once or twice a month late after Mom goes to bed if all goes well.

I became the cook, clothes cleaner, driver and most everything else soon after retiring. She could still do some things now and again like make her coffee, dry her clothes sometimes and empty the dishwasher somewhat......stuff to keep her busy. I let her sort her own clothes and put them in her dresser. Busy work to keep her active a little.

Things of course became slowly worse. for example, needing to help her get into the shower to now having to shower her back and backside and yeah that too.....now have a sliding shower chair that cost 300 bux which made it much easier.

But yeah stuff like that........

So about a couple months ago things took a nosedive for her - She started having hallucinations of people in her room and imaginary animals that she was feeding. I started finding old food under the bed. Night visits from late 20s grandchildren that live in other states. First thought was whaaaaaaa and it freaked me out. Second thought was maybe it is a Urinary Tract Infection......worse case urggggh Dementia. Her doctor was out of the country and got another app with another doc that was at the same establishment........turned into a circus.

There were a couple other freaky hallucinations she was having.....

Well after much stress I was able to get her urine sample out to another lab to get properly tested. After more keystone cops from this physician group..............I was there getting mom her schedule blood test for the actual doctor visit the following week. A nurse stopped us on the way out and said are you MommaSnood......was like um yeah whaaa now......we wanna go over her urine tests...........I say well i figure they are negative since you guys did not contact us..........she say oh ummmm they came up positive for E Coli..........Snood lost it. So she say we need to have her back 5 days in a row for antibiotic jab in the butt - nope pills...........So 5 days in row the dr visit 2 days later then urine sample i drove out again 3 days later.................new test comes back negative.

Yay right?? Nope

In the meantime she had stopped pooping for 10 days...............so onto stool softeners and Miralax, nope they did not help but made her even more incontinent and diapers more messy.............so onto lacutose...nada. Doc says Ok Snood give her an Enema, I am like ummm you're kidding right? Nah he wasn't and I did. It worked but was insanely messy and Snood was just spent. I am now wiping her behind with wet wipes in the morning and at night before bed and of course in the shower. So Enema worked and she started pooping again yaaaaaaay - right?? Nope - Hallucinations were from UTI right?? KInda Maybe Sorta and then nope............her hallucinations stopped while on the antibiotics and for a week or so after. Urine stopped smelling like it had for years.

Fast forward to 3 days ago. She fell trying to lift some stuff she shouldn't have. Luckily I was changing some doorknobs in the back bedrooms and heard her calling my name. My first thought was umm what now - She had not fallen for like10 months. Thought she had broke her arm the way she was laying. 180 pounds of Dead Weight, I had to lift.....not fun.

She was seemingly OK - couple sore spots - no bruising need some band aids for a small cut - she is on blood thinners. So I tell her you shouldn't be lifting or moving anything that heavy, you need to call me if you need something moved or lifted. OK.......nope - next day I notice she not in chair and I go into see where she is.......she had take the 2 heavy things - rubbermaid storage things and spilled the contents all on the ground. I am like I am like Mom what are you doing I asked not to do that unless you asked for me. Well.......a blind woman came in and asked her to search for something in them and she was trying to help her..............I also found more recent food for the imaginary animals. Another hallucination this morning too.

Since her stroke 5 years back her short term memory was pretty much shot...long term fine. Last 3 days seems she is having just a bit more probs searching for the right word/s

Called nurse Friday, gonna call for appointment Monday........she just got cleared of a uti about 1.5 to 2 weeks ago so dunno if it could be UTI again. I am just spent, worried all the time and sad...........sad because Snood not wanna lose the Mom I know. I do find myself crying a lot. I have bought a video baby, elderly monitor and have it in her bedroom. I figured it would give me just a smidge of peace of mind. I am not so sure......it is freaky to check in on it and see here not in her chair and over near the window where the blind lady had her digging for stuff or to see her in bed at 4 or 5 am looking around the room in night vision mode. Freaky stuff - I dunno.

Oh and she stopped pooping again about 3 or 4 days ago......

So yeah everybody that is why I have not been around as often. I still pop in and try to catch up here and there or answer Personal Messages sent to me, but nothing like I used to or would like to. I still order the latest and greatest releases and read some reviews, but they mainly sit untouched and unopen dating back to Beatles White Album and more at least. Yep you heard it right......I was able to peruse the Abbey Road a bit, but not in full. There are many more piled up.

I recently canceled my Let It Be Box and the LP Box thinking why? Plus, maybe they will go on sale.....I have never ever done that.

I have the Kiss Box coming........I adore early KISS (do not judge me lol) but thinking twice about that too.

I did get the Tull Benefit and have the REM on order and the Bruce Live, but those are 50 and below.

So I dunno.......I love Surround I love QQ - just so much more going on and I am sorry I am not able to be here as much as I used to be for you all. Love you all

That is where I have been and what I have been doing.

Deep Sigh

Man, Snood...words fail. You are truly awesome, in the old-fashioned sense of the word. And there needs to be some of kind support group here for Surround Heads With Ailing Parents. I wish I could have been the kind of selfless son that you are.
We're all pulling for you. (And no judging re KISS!) Big love.

 

[Snood]

Here is the thing for me that gets to me a lot.........besides the she is my Mom and I love her and will definitley miss her very much when she is gone.

As caregiver, sometimes I question or feel guilty for decisions I make or things I say or reactions to events. Nothing harsh or yelling.........just postponing a doctors visit due to covid or other ailments. Cleaning up her Poop when she has an accident, whether it be on the bed or on the floor.........my reactions or comments have not always been level headed or the most nicest. Especially early on years ago......I just wasn't ready to handle it and somewhat still not.

I never thought I would be cleaning my mom's poop from her behind, or on the floor or on the bed or even giving her an enema.........early years I would get upset because I did not understand.

I have talked to her to let her know that the main thing that gets to me is the guilt on how I may not have made the right decisions on her care or things I may have said that hurt her feelings. I have had that talk with her 2 times. I just wanted her to know I was and am sorry for that.

The guilt is sometimes the worse. I have never yelled at, hurt or struck my mom. Nor would even think of doing so. Words just stupid ass words.......and wondering whether I should have delayed this or that due to whatever.

The one thing I forgot to mention......I have no help at all. My brother lives 20 to 25 minutes away and I have not seen or heard from him in 10 years. His wife no help.........grand kids never. Her friends only 1 helped on dr visits when I was working.

So it is all on me.......and I am no health professional

With these hallucinations or visions......It freaks me out and have tried to talk to her about them. I have used the "They are not there" there is nothing there and also the well i am not saying they do not exist , but not on the plane of our existence. I watch Xfiles and who am I to say something she sees and I can not can not be real

I kind of liken that theory to saaaaaaaaaaay if you are into ghosts.........people say young children are more open to seeing, feeling or interacting with a ghostly presence - well they do say when you get older you become more like a child (seems true) - whose to say then as you age and get deeper into the golden years that you are not more prone to become more open to that spiritual plane.

So yeah - weird thing is..........when she is not there. I do ask the say hallucination characters to please ease up on mom and just try to be more protective. I know ......weird right? Just in case ummm maybe they are real

So yeah - stuff I never thought I would think about.

Oh and thank you guys & gals, but I am far from a saint and never ever would consider myself or tell myself or anyone that I am a good person. I have always thought if you are a good or even smart person, you never have to tell somebody that. People just know it.

I maybe only have 2 or 3 people in real life that would suggest that I was...........I have a trail of people that I am sure think I am or was an ahole mainly ex coworkers

Sorry for the long posts - but this is a lil cathartic for me

 

[jefe1]

Wow you are really a good son and I believe this is hard for you. At some point you may wish to investigate an assisted living facility that may be able to give her good care. You are going to wear yourself out eventually.
You have no need to guilt trip yourself it is a shame your sibling will not pitch in
Your Mother understands and appreciates what you are doing for her.
In a way this is a gift for you. My Mother died young and I will never be able to do anything for her or try to repay her for taking care of me.
I recall that you have posted about her here in the past so you have been caring for her for a long time.
Hopefully her invisible friends know that too.
Although it doesn't help you have the admiration of many of us here.

 

[gene_stl]

Getting good care is almost impossible right now. It is hard to do the kind of care that Snood is talking about and doing it in full personal protective regalia is hard enough that along with many other reasons, RNs and techs have been fleeing the care field.

My wife had hip replacement surgery on August 30. She had kind of a slow recovery and on about the 4 of september we were going to put her in a rehab home that two of her sisters had had reasonably good experiences in and had had a good reputation. We stayed about three hours. Until I started taking her stuff out to the car nobody came and looked at her. After that there is nothing they could have done nor said that would have made me feel that she was safe there.

There is no substitute for a loving family member. You are doing a good job Snood.

 

[LennonCobain]

Snood, I sincerely wish you and your mom all the best. You are incredibly strong to have managed to deal with so much emotional stress. Not all heroes wear capes.

 

[Mesozoic Mike]

I didn't have to take care of any ageing parents, but my youngest daughter was born with CP and is legally blind with some useable vision. Totally wheelchair bound and wears diapers. If somebody had told me I'd still be changing diapers after 27 years, I'd be flipping out. She is now trying to live independently in her own apartment with 24 Hour caregiving.
With Covid and crappy caregivers, she still has to come home occasionally to stay with her Mom and me.
Two things wake me up at night. She is totally mentally normal and is quite aware of all the things in life we take for granted that will never be possible for her.
And, what will happen to her once my wife and I are gone.
Sorry to carry on, but Snood, just do the best you can and take it all just one day at a time. We can only do so much for those we love. And please never feel guilty. We are only human.
Love you, man, and best to you and your Mom.

 

[ngv99]

Hang in there, Snood. I've been there too - seeing them grow old hurts the heart but we do the best we can for them. You're a great son. Stay strong and all the best to you, your mom & family.

 

[beerking]

Hi Snood,

I don't think there are many of us who are not deeply moved by your words.

Both of my parents died from cancer and it was awful to watch them suffer , knowing there was little I could do to prevent this dreadful disease.

Please come back often and express yourself to your hearts content.

Talking through the hurt and feeling of helplessness will give you some respite in your own life, Snood.

Take care and you know you are amongst friends.

Best wishes

Mike

 

[César]

Well, I think life is not about being a good or bad person, as the thin red line between both is just that, too thin. Most of the times life is just about doing what you feel is right or simply what you must do, without a choice.
Don't give up Snood and don't hesitate to ask for some extra help, if you can. I don't know if good or bad, but you've been really brave

 

[IMachine]

I wish you all the best that can be.
A very sad and frustrating situation it must be for you. You have a golden heart and you need time for yourself. Is there a chance to have a nurse coming one day a week to give you some space?
With love,
Nico

 

[mandrix]

Please call or text me anytime guy. I don't sleep much anyway. I don't keep the phone on my person all the time at home but leave a message!
I know you don't want to put her in a nursing home. But there must be some sort of help you can get though you may have to look hard to find it. If only for a few hours a week so you can maintain your mental health.
That's important! Especially when you are worn out and feeling guilt you must have some kind of break. You just have to, man.

 

[LuvMyQuad]

To me, you are true hero Snood. I could only wish my son would be as dutiful with me as you are with your Mom.

 

[John Svensson]

Yes Snood, see if you can get Visiting Angels or some other such organization to visit a couple times a week to perform the bathing and cut you some time off. I got that for my Mum who had similar circumstances....dementia with Lewy Bodies. She believed there was a family living on her bed so she slept in a chair in my living room, monkies in the trees, I had raped the neighbor girl...no such girl by the way.... Honestly, getting a doc to make an actual diagnosis was the best thing for her so she could get on an anti- psychotic drug. Sadly, after contracting Covid which she went through without a hitch, she passed away in October at 94. But the last 3 years with some lucidity was preferable.

 

[EricKalet]

Snood, you are an incredible son for your mom, you both are so fortunate to have each other. Although times are tough, keep staying the course, hang in there, and I'm sending lots of positive thoughts for you and your mom.

 

[rusinurbe]

Maybe totally inappropriate but some are in order big love to Snood sounds like things are tough but talking helps.

 

[Mr. Afternoon]

I wish all the best to you and your family Snood.