Facebook Time with Snood - Where Snood has been and what is the latest?

[jhw59]

I learned with my mom that caregivers must take of themselves. Fortunately, we were able to find someone to assist. As other posted, there are options for assistance so you can get some down time. Good luck!

 

[GOS]

Of course, seeking professional support on a few days a week is likely expensive. Some do not have the means to do so, or if you are like my mom...she simply doesn't want to spend the money to get help with my dad. I don't get it, and it's wearing her out. But she is so bullheaded, I can't help with it.

 

[DuncanS]

Its not an easy task, I went up and stayed to help my younger brother look after our Mum for 6+ months as she got sicker, he lived with her. It was a serious gall bladder infection, followed by sepsis which they missed! It took both my brother and I to get her onto the commode (she was a very slim and tiny lady), as the sepsis had triggered heart failure. It was hard as this highly intelligent and very well educated woman knew what her fate was. Because she survived longer than expected they withdrew all the funding for the nursing home which she was discharged from hospital into - she was too weak to even roll-over in bed. I think that worry of no funding sped the inevitable up. But my younger brother went above and beyond anything anybody could have expected of him. Even when Mum had to go into a nursing home as she was so weak, he was with her from 8pm until midnight everyday. I live a 100 miles away and would go up and spent a week at a time up there and do the daytime visits, my other brother and my sister would visit whenever they could.

So my heart goes out to you Snood, its not easy at the best of times even with help, and it is especially so on your own.

But I think your brother is a right <expletive deleted>!

 

[timothyemerson]

Dang, Snood, what a great son. Momma Snood be lucky to have you. Four (quad) cheers for Snood!

My parents are making noises about moving to a retirement village but I want to keep them nearby so I can take care of them when they start falling apart. They're tryna get away, so you must be doing something right!

Your doctors have probably checked Momma Snood meds anyway but I had an aunt that was hallucinating and that they were about to chuck in an asylum but one doctor reviewed her (non-psychiatric, cos she wasn't on any) meds to discover that one of them had depleted her salt levels which, evidently, makes you see/hear stuff that ain't there (or probably shouldn't be communicated with). Anyway, they got her a salt lick and she was right as rain. Might be worth a mention to the docs.

QQ is a great place where posts like Snood's can be made and get such nice responses as you've all given. Keep it up, QQers!

 

[hafquark]

Snood, there's a good chance you could get your mom into in-home hospice care through Medicare. They can provide a hospital bed, hoya lift, and other equipment that's needed for end-of-life care for however long it takes before the patient passes. They also send a nurse two or three times a week to check on vitals, administer meds, etc.

You are having a harder time than my wife and I had taking care of her father for about 18 months before he passed at 80, but it was tough on both of us. He could barely cross the room even with a walker, was morbidly obese so impossible to lift if he fell, and suffered from diabetes. Quite a few years ago we also took care of my wife's grandfather who was in third then fourth stage Alzheimer's disease before he died. My heart goes out to you, and I sincerely hope you can get extra help for your mother. It's simply too much to take on all by yourself.

 

[Imbobman]

Snood, sincerely, you are a good son. Praying for Mom & you. Always good to hear what is going on with you.
Keep in touch.
Thanks Buddy...

PS. I can sure relate to what you said about the latest releases being unopened & piling up. Me too

 

[drphibes]

Snood, I'm thinking about you buddy. Be well and take care of yourself. You're a good person, and we need more people like you.

 

[timbre4]

Snood - you're doing some of the hardest work I know of in this world. I applaud your love, good will and perseverance. This is your thread, just a quick sidebar... did you ever read The 36 Hour Day?

I went through this myself after my father passed away in TN while we were still in California. Couldn't get there in time. It became clear that his 'mom just isn't the same' comments were valid once I tried to put everything in order. I only had a couple weeks before I had to fly back to work. I called every day for nearly a year to make sure she was eating and the neighbor was dropping by. (each day thankful she didn't burn the house down or wander off) Told my boss that I'd have to move east in less than a year. They created a new position for me that lasted for about a year. (1990 no internet days) We moved and crossed our fingers it would all work out. (2 brothers & sister weren't stepping forward) 32 years later we're still here.

The Alzheimer's was quickly robbing her of everything. We took care of her at home until she became bed-ridden and too much for the woman who lived a couple blocks away to cook and clean. When we could not care for her properly anymore, she was placed in a nursing home near us and we visited regularly and she could seem like she knew us and then the window closed once again. When I drove her to the nursing home: GENESIS - Fading Lights and lots of tears. I'll stop there.

 

[JonUrban]

Geez Snood, what a good dude you are and an amazing son. I wonder if I would have had the fortitude to do what you are doing if my parents went out like that. Honestly, I do not think I could do it. Now I am wondering if something like this were happening to me (at my age), would anyone do what you are doing for me? Probably not!

I feel for you and admire you and hope you make it through this in one piece without gilt and all of the other baggage that can breed in such an environment. No matter how bad it gets, know that your mother appreciates what you are doing, even if she cannot express it herself. That's because she's not herself, anymore.

There are many good things that have come out to increase our longevity, but when you get right down to it, we all expire eventually and when our time is at hand, there's probably a good reason for it. Hang in there Snood. The entire forum feels for you, I am sure

 

[Mesozoic Mike]

Here in LA County there is a program called In Home Supportive Services. They do offer some limited help with care-giving or respite at no charge to the client.
I hope your area has something like that to help you. Check with your local Social Services Agency. Good Luck.

 

[The56Kid]

Well first off i will upfront apologize for the title and subject matter of this thread because I do know that some people frown on this site being anything other than surround talk.......oh well. Snood has made many friends on QQ and do want them to know that I am still around and why I have not been on as often.

A few of ya know that I had been caregiving for my Mom and working a full time job since 2012 she lives with me, about 3 years ago I hit my minimum retirement age of 55 and things were getting worse at home for mom. She had fallen 3 times while I was at work, having found her twice on the floor when I got home and once she used her 911 device around her neck and Emergency climbed somehow through a small window to get to her. It was either retire or put her in assisted living and I was not about to do that.

She is 83 now.

She had a stroke like 5 years ago and broke her femur just trying to sit down about 4 years ago.

Dumb Snood thought, well I will have more time to listen to tunes and watch movies and play video games while she is asleep or set in her chair..........um no!

I have still yet to put together my surround system with the Elacs I bought 4 years ago and the Oppos and other components are untouched in boxes. I am able to game perhaps an hour or 2 on about 2 Fridays a month - I am able to perhaps watch a movie maybe once or twice a month late after Mom goes to bed if all goes well.

I became the cook, clothes cleaner, driver and most everything else soon after retiring. She could still do some things now and again like make her coffee, dry her clothes sometimes and empty the dishwasher somewhat......stuff to keep her busy. I let her sort her own clothes and put them in her dresser. Busy work to keep her active a little.

Things of course became slowly worse. for example, needing to help her get into the shower to now having to shower her back and backside and yeah that too.....now have a sliding shower chair that cost 300 bux which made it much easier.

But yeah stuff like that........

So about a couple months ago things took a nosedive for her - She started having hallucinations of people in her room and imaginary animals that she was feeding. I started finding old food under the bed. Night visits from late 20s grandchildren that live in other states. First thought was whaaaaaaa and it freaked me out. Second thought was maybe it is a Urinary Tract Infection......worse case urggggh Dementia. Her doctor was out of the country and got another app with another doc that was at the same establishment........turned into a circus.

There were a couple other freaky hallucinations she was having.....

Well after much stress I was able to get her urine sample out to another lab to get properly tested. After more keystone cops from this physician group..............I was there getting mom her schedule blood test for the actual doctor visit the following week. A nurse stopped us on the way out and said are you MommaSnood......was like um yeah whaaa now......we wanna go over her urine tests...........I say well i figure they are negative since you guys did not contact us..........she say oh ummmm they came up positive for E Coli..........Snood lost it. So she say we need to have her back 5 days in a row for antibiotic jab in the butt - nope pills...........So 5 days in row the dr visit 2 days later then urine sample i drove out again 3 days later.................new test comes back negative.

Yay right?? Nope

In the meantime she had stopped pooping for 10 days...............so onto stool softeners and Miralax, nope they did not help but made her even more incontinent and diapers more messy.............so onto lacutose...nada. Doc says Ok Snood give her an Enema, I am like ummm you're kidding right? Nah he wasn't and I did. It worked but was insanely messy and Snood was just spent. I am now wiping her behind with wet wipes in the morning and at night before bed and of course in the shower. So Enema worked and she started pooping again yaaaaaaay - right?? Nope - Hallucinations were from UTI right?? KInda Maybe Sorta and then nope............her hallucinations stopped while on the antibiotics and for a week or so after. Urine stopped smelling like it had for years.

Fast forward to 3 days ago. She fell trying to lift some stuff she shouldn't have. Luckily I was changing some doorknobs in the back bedrooms and heard her calling my name. My first thought was umm what now - She had not fallen for like10 months. Thought she had broke her arm the way she was laying. 180 pounds of Dead Weight, I had to lift.....not fun.

She was seemingly OK - couple sore spots - no bruising need some band aids for a small cut - she is on blood thinners. So I tell her you shouldn't be lifting or moving anything that heavy, you need to call me if you need something moved or lifted. OK.......nope - next day I notice she not in chair and I go into see where she is.......she had take the 2 heavy things - rubbermaid storage things and spilled the contents all on the ground. I am like I am like Mom what are you doing I asked not to do that unless you asked for me. Well.......a blind woman came in and asked her to search for something in them and she was trying to help her..............I also found more recent food for the imaginary animals. Another hallucination this morning too.

Since her stroke 5 years back her short term memory was pretty much shot...long term fine. Last 3 days seems she is having just a bit more probs searching for the right word/s

Called nurse Friday, gonna call for appointment Monday........she just got cleared of a uti about 1.5 to 2 weeks ago so dunno if it could be UTI again. I am just spent, worried all the time and sad...........sad because Snood not wanna lose the Mom I know. I do find myself crying a lot. I have bought a video baby, elderly monitor and have it in her bedroom. I figured it would give me just a smidge of peace of mind. I am not so sure......it is freaky to check in on it and see here not in her chair and over near the window where the blind lady had her digging for stuff or to see her in bed at 4 or 5 am looking around the room in night vision mode. Freaky stuff - I dunno.

Oh and she stopped pooping again about 3 or 4 days ago......

So yeah everybody that is why I have not been around as often. I still pop in and try to catch up here and there or answer Personal Messages sent to me, but nothing like I used to or would like to. I still order the latest and greatest releases and read some reviews, but they mainly sit untouched and unopen dating back to Beatles White Album and more at least. Yep you heard it right......I was able to peruse the Abbey Road a bit, but not in full. There are many more piled up.

I recently canceled my Let It Be Box and the LP Box thinking why? Plus, maybe they will go on sale.....I have never ever done that.

I have the Kiss Box coming........I adore early KISS (do not judge me lol) but thinking twice about that too.

I did get the Tull Benefit and have the REM on order and the Bruce Live, but those are 50 and below.

So I dunno.......I love Surround I love QQ - just so much more going on and I am sorry I am not able to be here as much as I used to be for you all. Love you all

That is where I have been and what I have been doing.

Deep Sigh

So sorry to hear of your travails, Snood. You’re being a good son in difficult times and that’s very noble. Hang in there!

 

[Quadwreck]

You need help, you have a lot on your shoulders. I don't know where you live, but there is a department of aging services in most counties, they may be able to help you find assistance, just once a week could make the difference. Hope things get better.

 

[JanBakker]

Nothing but respect for you Snood, take care of yourself too buddy!!

 

[jaybird100]

Snood, my mom spent the last 7 years of her life in a skilled care facility, after she suffered a massive stroke. I researched the facilities in the area and got her into the best one in the area. They treated her lovingly, and she loved her CNA's and nurses, in turn. I also visited her every day. I know how hard it is to decide to place her into a nursing home, but you can't play Superman, trying to do it all yourself. My experience was a positive one, and if you make the decision to place her in skilled care, I hope yours will be, too.

 

[The Bright Side]

Man, seriously, hats off for taking the time to write us, and to share your thoughts and experiences. I can only join the choir here that's coming at you from 11.2 sides: you're one awesome son and I have mad respect for what you're doing. It takes courage to share like that, and you bet your Snoody butt we're cheering for you. I'm sending you hugs from Germany.

 

[kap'n krunch]

... Not all heroes wear capes.

NO CAPES!!!!! ("E")


No , really...
You are a freaking saint, Snoodster!!!
Every time that I have a really hard time in life (and I have had many of those!) I always remember that "life gives the hardest experiences to the strongest souls"...

I send you my best vibes and intentions...and please remember to be happy in the midst of it and AFTER!!!

¡Un abrazo , hermano!!

 

[jaybird100]

Here is the thing for me that gets to me a lot.........besides the she is my Mom and I love her and will definitley miss her very much when she is gone.

As caregiver, sometimes I question or feel guilty for decisions I make or things I say or reactions to events. Nothing harsh or yelling.........just postponing a doctors visit due to covid or other ailments. Cleaning up her Poop when she has an accident, whether it be on the bed or on the floor.........my reactions or comments have not always been level headed or the most nicest. Especially early on years ago......I just wasn't ready to handle it and somewhat still not.

I never thought I would be cleaning my mom's poop from her behind, or on the floor or on the bed or even giving her an enema.........early years I would get upset because I did not understand.

I have talked to her to let her know that the main thing that gets to me is the guilt on how I may not have made the right decisions on her care or things I may have said that hurt her feelings. I have had that talk with her 2 times. I just wanted her to know I was and am sorry for that.

The guilt is sometimes the worse. I have never yelled at, hurt or struck my mom. Nor would even think of doing so. Words just stupid ass words.......and wondering whether I should have delayed this or that due to whatever.

The one thing I forgot to mention......I have no help at all. My brother lives 20 to 25 minutes away and I have not seen or heard from him in 10 years. His wife no help.........grand kids never. Her friends only 1 helped on dr visits when I was working.

So it is all on me.......and I am no health professional

With these hallucinations or visions......It freaks me out and have tried to talk to her about them. I have used the "They are not there" there is nothing there and also the well i am not saying they do not exist , but not on the plane of our existence. I watch Xfiles and who am I to say something she sees and I can not can not be real

I kind of liken that theory to saaaaaaaaaaay if you are into ghosts.........people say young children are more open to seeing, feeling or interacting with a ghostly presence - well they do say when you get older you become more like a child (seems true) - whose to say then as you age and get deeper into the golden years that you are not more prone to become more open to that spiritual plane.

So yeah - weird thing is..........when she is not there. I do ask the say hallucination characters to please ease up on mom and just try to be more protective. I know ......weird right? Just in case ummm maybe they are real

So yeah - stuff I never thought I would think about.

Oh and thank you guys & gals, but I am far from a saint and never ever would consider myself or tell myself or anyone that I am a good person. I have always thought if you are a good or even smart person, you never have to tell somebody that. People just know it.

I maybe only have 2 or 3 people in real life that would suggest that I was...........I have a trail of people that I am sure think I am or was an ahole mainly ex coworkers

Sorry for the long posts - but this is a lil cathartic for me

I went through the same things. Am I making the right decisions for her? My mom was lucid, so I always discussed things with her. Her desires were key. This included when her doctor recommended palliative care. We found she also had stage 4 lung cancer, and given her age (95), the doctors felt there was no point in treating it. We discussed it, and Mom said she was ready to go. She was moved to the PC wing of the hospital. Next afternoon, with me holding her hand and telling her it was OK to go, she joined my father and sister, and her brothers and parents, in Heaven.

 

[Scott M4]

You’re a good man looking after a really hard situation with love.

Don’t ban Snood!

 

[timbre4]

You need help, you have a lot on your shoulders. I don't know where you live, but there is a department of aging services in most counties, they may be able to help you find assistance, just once a week could make the difference. Hope things get better.

THIS. All caregivers need a break from time to time. I didn't talk to myself before mom care days; you can't quite believe what is happening. Hopefully there is caregiver assistance to ease the burden, it can make all the difference.

 

[aludra]

Amen Tim !!!!