This is a subject close to my heart. What I say here applies only to music, not movies.
I think a part of the issue is what
@Blackwood describes above. The "I spent a lot of money on this gear, and I want to hear it perform" idea. It's a childish attitude IMO. There are QQ members that will no longer buy releases that are merely stereo or 5.1. it's not hard to find poll comments that say things like, "not enough action going on in the tops for my taste" and then trash the release with a low vote. Either it's a symptom of what's described above or it's some misguided delusion that the Atmos simply must be better than any other format because it has more channels. Have a listen to some of the streaming dreck on Apple and the only conclusion you can logically come to is Atmos isn't better as a format, it simply offers more potential. I have heard some very good Atmos, but some of the best surround experiences for me are still 5.1 and even Quad tracks. A lot depends on the fidelity, just as it does with stereo, just as it does with 5.1. Even more important is the content.
What's the goal here? For me it's to get an experience that sounds more plausibly realistic, even though it isn't. By that I mean, in my imagination, I can sense sounds coming from different places as if I'm in the center of it all, even if it never really happened that way. It's the mixers interpretation of how it could have happened. Along with the separation of instruments comes the welcome dose of added detail that occurs, further enhancing the perceived fidelity.
With the exception of effects and synths, discreet sound that calls attention to itself in the height speakers is usually a distraction for me. I ask myself, why, where, in what world should guitar riffs or vocals, or hand claps come from above my head? I can make a case for some psychedelic music, but not much else. Keep the gimmicky stuff, give me something that truly enhances the image in my head.
@Blackwood also mentions the latest Knopfler release. It is high on my list for the best Atmos mix I've heard. And that goes against the opinion of many here on QQ. Finally, the Atmos technology was used in a way that reinforced what was going on in the floor speakers. It did not try to replace them or overshadow them. The additional channels were used to add height, depth, and dynamic impact to great effect. Yeah, it's a bit front centric. It could have used the rears a bit more as with Knopflers previous 5.1 releases, but the way the heights were used to supplement and enhance the floor channels is exemplary.
James Guthrie finally hit a home run with the PF Animals releases, both the Atmos and the 5.1. When you compare the two, the Atmos is only a slight extension of the 5.1. Some discreteness in the heights is there, but it's done tastefully. It is seldom distracting unless it fits, as with synths and effects.
The foghorn from Van Morrisons "Into the Mystic". It fits. It enhances. It doesn't sound gimmicky. The overhead thunder in Roger Water's US+Them concert video. Absolutely sublime.
So
@Stephen W Tayler , if I were to give you advice on how to make the perfect Atmos mix for me, I would say to extract the best fidelity you can and create a great 5.1/7.1 mix with discreet elements where it makes sense to do so. Let me hear supporting instruments placed around me. Then use the Atmos capability to enhance that base to give it more depth, height and impact. Only call my attention specifically to the heights when you want to say something special, like with an effect.
The surround community has to stop listening to hardware and wizz bang format capabilities and start listening to music again. Isn't that the point, after all?